BASKETBALL GURU 2020-2021 PREVIEW (Part II)
Dec 14, 2020 13:39:21 GMT -6
Portland TrailBlazers, Boston Celtics, and 4 more like this
Post by Phoenix Suns on Dec 14, 2020 13:39:21 GMT -6
Continued from Part I, which you can read here.
#9 Phoenix Suns (Dark Horse)
Last Season: #1
Suns is just mad because he’s lost his last few trades. He can join Wizards in a long list of teams who’s first rounders I own that will turn into lottery picks.
His roster is SGA, Giannis, Booker, and trash. Suns has no picks and only a ton of cap space -- most of that going towards overpaying for Oubre and Anunoby.
Yes, Kristaps is clearly an overpay, but the Suns will be middle of the pack for years because of a series of disastrous trades. $19.5m for Kristaps, a more valuable
Suns 2022 1st round draft pick, and a contender falling are so worth it. Plus, I get to just dump Kristaps on Lakers for a late first rounder and Wolves and Celtics will approve it.
As for the DLo trade, Huge fan of this trade for Bulls. He gets a proven, freshly re-signed, stud in D'Angelo Russell (38 FPPG) for Brandon Clarke (24.8 FPPG) and PJ Washington
(25.8 FPPG). Suns is trading five years of D'Lo for four years of PJ Washington and Brandon Clarke. To quote the league:
Denver Nuggets: "Haha Suns got smoked"
Washington Wizards: "Love Bulls' end of that trade"
Minnesota Timberwolves: "Man I really love this for the Bulls"
Toronto Raptors: "DLo is a stud"
Denver Nuggets (again): "Bulls just slayed"
Also, I'd take Onyeka (age 19.6) over either Brandon Clarke (age 24.0) and PJ Washington (age 22.1).
[With regards to the Suns trading for Tobias Harris] Wizards [is] the victor here. Hard to picture a better haul for Wizards.
Did I mention what a complete disaster the Suns off-season FA was?
Denver Nuggets: One of you is about to be paying more than half of that for OG... yikes
Chicago Bulls: Jeeesus y'all are bidding a lot on Oubre and OG??? 4x11 and 4x8.5?
Washington Wizards: GOOD LORD THAT OUBRE BID
Minnesota Timberwolves: Kelly Oubre has achieved TJ Warren money
Denver Nuggets: Are you kidding? OG Anonuby is going for like 11 MILLION DOLLARS
Washington Wizards (again): That OG price is awfully high
New Orleans Pelicans: I truly don't understand your investment in OG
And let's not forget trading away Kawhi Leonard and Jamal Murray. Like the Wizards said, the "balance of power has shifted. Nuggets is the new king. Kawhi AND Jamal!"
Denver [got] the better end of the deal. The trade sucks for Suns. Not a fan of Ricky Rubio. Even neutral, kind, milquetoast Wolves piled on: "weird to hand the keys to
one of those elite players to someone who is ostensibly your arch-rival." Ouch.
Suns has completely run his franchise into the ground, and traded down from a powerhouse contender to an irrelevant, middling, mediocrity. Forget Lakers, he should put
himself into "franchise protection protocol".
Guest written by Dallas Mavericks
#10 Los Angeles Clippers (Dark Horse)
Last Season: #13
The former New York Knicks will look to make playoffs behind Ben Simmons, Steph Curry, and Russell Westbrook, as the three fantasy studs lead a supporting cast that includes
CJ McCollum, Kevin Love, Draymond Green, and Mike Conley.
We'll see if these veteran producers have enough juice to finish in the top eight. I like the Conley off-season FA signing, and think he'll have a strong bounceback year. If the
Clippers can shore up their bench, they could definitely surprise a few people and make it. Westbrook's 50 FPPG and Curry and Simmons in the mid-40s is no joke. Those guys
propelled this franchise to a 20-1 record and a championship only two years ago.
While the team missed the playoffs last year, this was more an indictment of the Knicks total inactivity, rather than the core pieces. This franchise has enough top-heavy firepower
to be a threat if the Clips can make enough strong moves on the periphery of his top seven guys.
That can't happen with only $2.3m in cap space. He needs to move somebody and carve out 8 to 10m to get the job done. We'll see if he has the wits and wherewithal to make
enough deals and signings to make a real go of it.
Conley was a good start, but we'll need to see more before we can declare the LA Clippers officially BACK.
And we do want them back. Unlike Playstation's "extreme" marketing.
It's EXTREMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...ly stupid.
#11 Chicago Bulls (Dark Horse)
Last Season: #9
Wait. Something is happening...
The Chicago Bulls have the first-world problem of being so good at rebuilding that they're at risk of making the playoffs every year while doing it.
This isn't just a projection, either. They made the playoffs as the #6 Seed last year (although much of that was due to schedule luck, as they finished
#9 in Points For.) Things are only getting worse (or better, depending on your perspective) as the Bulls keeps improving his roster.
Not only is he hitting on his rookies, but he's swindled both the Pelicans and Suns out of Jokic and D'Lo in the last year, while keeping Jaylen Brown and
Dejounte Murray from the former Bulls, and drafting James Wiseman, Tyrese Haliburton, Darius Garland, Cam Reddish, Jaxson Hayes, De'Andre Hunter,
Payton Pritchard, and trading for Sekou Doumbouya, who just went off in pre-season.
He also landed Myles Turner for way too cheap in FA while everyone else overpaid for production.
Are the Bulls the next Mavs?
Should you be terrified of trading with them? It certainly seems like that is the case.
The Moreyball GM is taking Guru by storm, and his mild-mannered, reserved style has let him fly under the radar, catching competing GMs off their guard
in both trades and FA bids.
Would Turner have gone for that cheap if the Mavs or Suns were the final bid on them for 7.5m? Very unlikely.
He's 10 months away from being Portland. His roster is insane.
It's time the league start thinking of Bulls as the superstar GM he is, and treat him as big of a threat as the flagship franchises.
RED ALERT.
#12 Los Angeles Lakers (Tanker)
Last Season: #12
That poster would be Lauri Markkanen (29 FPPG), Lonzo Ball (32 FPPG), and Jamal Murray (32 FPPG) if the Trade Committee didn't intervene, FYI.
I've earmarked a few paragraphs to say nice things later on, but for now let's start with the bad.
This poster could easily be Zion, Tatum, and Barrett if the Lakers didn't throw away Jayson Tatum, a player with:
-10 more FPPG than Murray
-1 extra year of rookie scale contract
-1 year younger
-#1 option on the Celtics instead of #2 on the Nuggets
He offered this to Nuggets out of the blue. No negotiation. Zero thought process. Nuggets didn't even try to swindle him. He just gave him away for no
discernable reason.
He then freed Mavs to get KP back taking on the most dead money I've ever seen moved, nearly 48m guaranteed, for the #14 and #16 picks.
I'm not going to go through the entire list as this piece's focus is the exclusively 2020 off-season, so I'll be fair and limit my focus to that.
So let's just focus on the last two months.
He gave away Tatum for no reason, tried to give away AD for peanuts (twice), then took on the worst salary dump in league history from the most stacked
franchise ever, a deal Mavs himself publicly said should be vetoed for the good of the league.
He sat on John Wall's contract for nearly 2 years waiting for him to get healthy (a great move), then when he finally does and looks fantastic, just gives him away to the Raptors
for a bust who is dead money. He essentially took on salary to give away John Wall who looks amazing in pre-season.
GMs work for years making 20-30 moves with 12 different GMs, put time and effort into improving their franchise, only to watch Lakers throw away picks and players
to someone else, and it ends up making that team better in 5 seconds than what their 20-30 moves accomplished in a year.
Now I'll try to focus on some positives:
I really like the Zion trade, I think it was a great move. Patrick Williams was a strong draft pick. Trading for Malachi Flynn was good. Masai is a genius, and Kyle Lowry is
old. Flynn is the best PnR offensive player in the draft. If Lakers is patient and doesn't drop him (or his other rookies) 10 games into the season like he did after
selecting Luke Kennard in 2017, he could reap the rewards. There's no guarantees with rookies, but the ones he grabbed in the off-season have a lot of potential.
Aaron Nesmith is also a solid pickup for a small amount of cap space. He went #12 in another dynasty I'm in. He'll be a floor spacer early on, but in 2 years there's
a good chance he expands his role and creates off the dribble. He's got the body and the shot.
I love Zion. If Lakers wants to trade him to me, I'm in. I'm taking LAs side of that deal and gambling on his knees.
Patrick Williams has a ton of upside. RJ Barrett could be very good, he's definitely got the opportunity in NY.
End of positivity.
Terry Rozier was a horrendous FA signing, and he's more likely than not to get either benched or traded, and chasing those 30 FPPG from last season was a mistake. Garry Harris
is a terrible fantasy player and taking on that contract was bad.
Opting into 12m of dead money on terrible rookies for no reason is fantasy malpractice, when you can get them for 500k to 1m in FA.
I wish the Lakers nothing but health, happiness and success IRL, but in fantasy I wish we had someone who cared and put way more thought and effort into their trades.
#13 Sacramento Kings (Tanker)
Last Season: #13
Huge ego, wooden plank personality, every social interaction and trade discussion is like pulling teeth...
Are we sure this isn't just Old Raptors pretending to be a new GM?
I honestly can't tell them apart.
The new GM at least brings a level of intelligence and competence that the Dunning-Kruger Spurs sorely lacked in giving away his entire team to Philly for Harden in his
pursuit of finishing 13th. He's also extremely active, which makes him a welcome addition to the league.
We want good GMs. Personality is a bonus.
The incoming draftnik looks to have made the most of his picks in the 2020 Rookie Draft, as Theo Maledon looks great and Cole Anthony is in a very nice situation in Orlando.
If you compliment Theo Maledon he won't reply to say thanks like a normal human being because if he says "thanks!" then he is accepting your compliment and may be on
some level implying he values your opinion, and he doesn't need your validation.
Jaden McDaniels has some upside, and trading for Kevon Looney could pay dividends in a shortened season where Wiseman is looking more and more like he will be limited by
the Warriors in Year 1. Tre Jones seems like too deep of a reach, but we'll see.
No doubt James harden, Jusuf Nurkic, and Josh Richardson are on the block, and we'll see what kind of returns he gets for them, assuming anyone can get through the
impenetrable shield of condescending trade responses and "take it or leave it" threats to try to close deals and bully trade partners.
We'll see if he can get past those boorish, amateur tactics, or if he'll simply join the ranks of MANY current GMs whose egos are too fragile to make sharp trades and can't handle the thought
of losing a trade with someone.
Sidenote: that not a single tanking team even took a shot at Kristaps Porzingis in FA is fucking embarrassing. League of absolute cowards.
The only good thing I can say about my syphilis-riddled archnemesis Denver Nuggets is he actually has a spine (even if it's curved due to Scoliosis) and is willing risk losing trades and doing something. Meanwhile, half the league
refuses to make any trades of consequence ever, or exclusively vulture newbie GMs and prey on soft targets.
Either way, the Kings look be a strong GM who will turn this franchise around sooner rather than later, and I wouldn't be surprised to find the franchise being a stud farm 2 years on (whereas
Philly is on a stud farm right now. When he goes to eat at Long John Silver's, they simply refer to it as John Silver's until he he leaves.)
#14 Milwaukee Bucks (Tanker)
Last Season: #14
New Bucks knocked it out of the park with his Rookie Draft pickups a mere two weeks after joining the league, selecting LaMelo Ball, Kira Lewis Jr., and Isaac Okoro.
With his addition to the league, we've officially hit our Eurotrash Quota of 1 (after losing Choking Pels), from the continent that couldn't win a war 18 vs. 1 against
Germany and needed the United States, Canada, and Australia to win it for them, and then had the sheer audacity to impose the Metric System on us.
Greece did give us Giannis, at least :)
(and Homer, and Democracy, and Cartography, I guess)
Anyway, the young core of Zach Lavine, Lamelo, Kira Lewis, Okoro, Miles AND Mikal Bridges (there's a Monty Python and the Holy Grail joke in there somewhere), along with
Jarrett Culver, Lonnie Walker (Texas Ranger), A.A.ron Holiday, Mo Bamba, and NAW make this an enviable franchise to take over at this point.
On top of that, Paul George and Eric Bledsoe are available as trade chips, although their contract sizes will be difficult to move.
This is by far the best the Bucks franchise has looked in years, and I'm honestly shocked they weren't picked in the Guru Gazette roundtable when I asked which franchise
each GM would like to take over. I suppose the core of AD, Tatum, Wall and 40m in cap looked intriguing, although given the Lakers recent moves, I am guessing their
answers would change.
Great work from the Bucks early on, and looking forward to seeing what he does in the future!
Just kidding.
(but not really)
#15 Philadelphia 76ers (Tanker)
Last Season: #15
Nobody has done a better job tanking and rebuilding lately than Philly (other than perhaps Chicago), and he has adeptly taken the Portland™ model and perfected
it to a T. Nobody of note is over age 23 on this roster (Leo, is that you?)
If Philly gets any younger the FBI will be knocking on his door.
Now, how much of that success comes from being the biggest newbie GM vulture (besides Mavs, perhaps) is a matter for the Philosophers to debate, but let's just say
Philly never leaves the shallow end of the pool. I once accepted HIS trade proposal, and he got so scared he delayed the deal, called Nuggets, did another 24 hours of
research, visited the Oracle at Delphi, contacted Nuggets again, bit his fingernails, consulted his Astrology forecast, then backed out.
Of his OWN trade.
What they'll put on his tombstone:
I'm starting to think Kings, Celtics, Philly and others are all attending the same fantasy trade seminars.
If Philly isn't winning the trade in a landside and it's not a super obvious win, he's not trading with you.
And for the record, that goes for a lot of GMs in this league, so it's not exclusively aimed at him.
Regardless, Philly has done an excellent job with his franchise, and his core of Deandre Ayton, John Collins, Killian Hayes, Collin Sexton, Rui Hachimura, Obi Toppin, Kevin Porter,
Lou Dort, and the legendary Poku are the envy of the league.
Sniping Poku from Kings was glorious, and one of the highlights of the 2020 Rookie Draft. You can tell he was FUMING inside, even though he'll deny it.
An army of blue chip prospects and picks lie beneath the blue dragon, and he'll be a force to be reckoned with when he turns the corner and competes again. I am really impressed
by his choice of draft picks and his trade with the Spurs was a masterpiece.
I expect his team to keep improving (unless there aren't any new GMs coming in the next two years.)
;)
#16 Washington Wizards (Tanker)
Last Season: #16
Every time I go to take a cheap flier on a scrub:
Wizards is there to fuck my day up.
The Washington Basketball Team played Bête Noire this off-season, doing Nuggets bidding, erm, bidding up players left and right just to drive prices up,
as Denver cackled from his lair while stroking his Evan Fournier japanese body pillow he carries around with him at all times.
The Wizards bid well over 100m across almost every player in Free Agency, and only won 2 bids.
Truly the troll job of the century.
I absolutely love his draft pick in Devin Vassell, who I think is going to be great. Trading into Tyrese Maxey and some picks was also a coup.
Now that I think about it, half of Wizards team is just my players (Looney, Shamet, Maxey, Isaac, Wagner, etc.). I would NOT have traded Isaac for Hield if I knew
that Covid was ending the season, as it was a win-now move (ditto Donte Divencenzo to the Celtics).
I love Jonathan Isaac. Damn you, Wizards. Damn you to hell!
Combined with a shrewd pickup of Darius Bazley last off-season for cheap, along with RJ Hampton's high ceiling later in the rookie draft, and the Wizards
are really starting to look like a squad. This was by far the worst franchise in Guru when he took it over, so the progress is encouraging.
While the roster isn't at the same level as Philly or Chicago, both those teams began their rebuilds with way more assets, and I think Washington could get to where
they are one year from now if he keeps making strong moves like he did this off-season.
In terms of his FA pickups, Kuzma is a good flier -- if he gets traded, you're looking at a potential 30 FPPG guy for 1m a year.
Jerami Grant looks like this year's Delon Wright for 5.5m x 4 and I think is a terrible signing, but it's way too early to know for sure.
Overall, a great off-season for Washington bidding up everyone else's offers while acquiring next-to-nothing (unless you consider Jerami Grant something, which I don't),
and slaying the draft and trade market for promising blue chip rookies.
Great work!
Now if only you'd stop constantly negging my fucking players, you no-talent dipshit.
We really need to stop giving out this book as a free raffle prize, it's ruined a generation of fantasy players:
This concludes the Basketball Guru 2020-2021 Preview -- hope you all have a Happy Christmas, and a wonderful fantasy season!
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Except Nuggets.
#9 Phoenix Suns (Dark Horse)
Last Season: #1
Suns is just mad because he’s lost his last few trades. He can join Wizards in a long list of teams who’s first rounders I own that will turn into lottery picks.
His roster is SGA, Giannis, Booker, and trash. Suns has no picks and only a ton of cap space -- most of that going towards overpaying for Oubre and Anunoby.
Yes, Kristaps is clearly an overpay, but the Suns will be middle of the pack for years because of a series of disastrous trades. $19.5m for Kristaps, a more valuable
Suns 2022 1st round draft pick, and a contender falling are so worth it. Plus, I get to just dump Kristaps on Lakers for a late first rounder and Wolves and Celtics will approve it.
As for the DLo trade, Huge fan of this trade for Bulls. He gets a proven, freshly re-signed, stud in D'Angelo Russell (38 FPPG) for Brandon Clarke (24.8 FPPG) and PJ Washington
(25.8 FPPG). Suns is trading five years of D'Lo for four years of PJ Washington and Brandon Clarke. To quote the league:
Denver Nuggets: "Haha Suns got smoked"
Washington Wizards: "Love Bulls' end of that trade"
Minnesota Timberwolves: "Man I really love this for the Bulls"
Toronto Raptors: "DLo is a stud"
Denver Nuggets (again): "Bulls just slayed"
Also, I'd take Onyeka (age 19.6) over either Brandon Clarke (age 24.0) and PJ Washington (age 22.1).
[With regards to the Suns trading for Tobias Harris] Wizards [is] the victor here. Hard to picture a better haul for Wizards.
Did I mention what a complete disaster the Suns off-season FA was?
Denver Nuggets: One of you is about to be paying more than half of that for OG... yikes
Chicago Bulls: Jeeesus y'all are bidding a lot on Oubre and OG??? 4x11 and 4x8.5?
Washington Wizards: GOOD LORD THAT OUBRE BID
Minnesota Timberwolves: Kelly Oubre has achieved TJ Warren money
Denver Nuggets: Are you kidding? OG Anonuby is going for like 11 MILLION DOLLARS
Washington Wizards (again): That OG price is awfully high
New Orleans Pelicans: I truly don't understand your investment in OG
And let's not forget trading away Kawhi Leonard and Jamal Murray. Like the Wizards said, the "balance of power has shifted. Nuggets is the new king. Kawhi AND Jamal!"
Denver [got] the better end of the deal. The trade sucks for Suns. Not a fan of Ricky Rubio. Even neutral, kind, milquetoast Wolves piled on: "weird to hand the keys to
one of those elite players to someone who is ostensibly your arch-rival." Ouch.
Suns has completely run his franchise into the ground, and traded down from a powerhouse contender to an irrelevant, middling, mediocrity. Forget Lakers, he should put
himself into "franchise protection protocol".
Guest written by Dallas Mavericks
#10 Los Angeles Clippers (Dark Horse)
Last Season: #13
The former New York Knicks will look to make playoffs behind Ben Simmons, Steph Curry, and Russell Westbrook, as the three fantasy studs lead a supporting cast that includes
CJ McCollum, Kevin Love, Draymond Green, and Mike Conley.
We'll see if these veteran producers have enough juice to finish in the top eight. I like the Conley off-season FA signing, and think he'll have a strong bounceback year. If the
Clippers can shore up their bench, they could definitely surprise a few people and make it. Westbrook's 50 FPPG and Curry and Simmons in the mid-40s is no joke. Those guys
propelled this franchise to a 20-1 record and a championship only two years ago.
While the team missed the playoffs last year, this was more an indictment of the Knicks total inactivity, rather than the core pieces. This franchise has enough top-heavy firepower
to be a threat if the Clips can make enough strong moves on the periphery of his top seven guys.
That can't happen with only $2.3m in cap space. He needs to move somebody and carve out 8 to 10m to get the job done. We'll see if he has the wits and wherewithal to make
enough deals and signings to make a real go of it.
Conley was a good start, but we'll need to see more before we can declare the LA Clippers officially BACK.
And we do want them back. Unlike Playstation's "extreme" marketing.
It's EXTREMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...ly stupid.
#11 Chicago Bulls (Dark Horse)
Last Season: #9
Wait. Something is happening...
The Chicago Bulls have the first-world problem of being so good at rebuilding that they're at risk of making the playoffs every year while doing it.
This isn't just a projection, either. They made the playoffs as the #6 Seed last year (although much of that was due to schedule luck, as they finished
#9 in Points For.) Things are only getting worse (or better, depending on your perspective) as the Bulls keeps improving his roster.
Not only is he hitting on his rookies, but he's swindled both the Pelicans and Suns out of Jokic and D'Lo in the last year, while keeping Jaylen Brown and
Dejounte Murray from the former Bulls, and drafting James Wiseman, Tyrese Haliburton, Darius Garland, Cam Reddish, Jaxson Hayes, De'Andre Hunter,
Payton Pritchard, and trading for Sekou Doumbouya, who just went off in pre-season.
He also landed Myles Turner for way too cheap in FA while everyone else overpaid for production.
Are the Bulls the next Mavs?
Should you be terrified of trading with them? It certainly seems like that is the case.
The Moreyball GM is taking Guru by storm, and his mild-mannered, reserved style has let him fly under the radar, catching competing GMs off their guard
in both trades and FA bids.
Would Turner have gone for that cheap if the Mavs or Suns were the final bid on them for 7.5m? Very unlikely.
He's 10 months away from being Portland. His roster is insane.
It's time the league start thinking of Bulls as the superstar GM he is, and treat him as big of a threat as the flagship franchises.
RED ALERT.
#12 Los Angeles Lakers (Tanker)
Last Season: #12
That poster would be Lauri Markkanen (29 FPPG), Lonzo Ball (32 FPPG), and Jamal Murray (32 FPPG) if the Trade Committee didn't intervene, FYI.
I've earmarked a few paragraphs to say nice things later on, but for now let's start with the bad.
This poster could easily be Zion, Tatum, and Barrett if the Lakers didn't throw away Jayson Tatum, a player with:
-10 more FPPG than Murray
-1 extra year of rookie scale contract
-1 year younger
-#1 option on the Celtics instead of #2 on the Nuggets
He offered this to Nuggets out of the blue. No negotiation. Zero thought process. Nuggets didn't even try to swindle him. He just gave him away for no
discernable reason.
He then freed Mavs to get KP back taking on the most dead money I've ever seen moved, nearly 48m guaranteed, for the #14 and #16 picks.
I'm not going to go through the entire list as this piece's focus is the exclusively 2020 off-season, so I'll be fair and limit my focus to that.
So let's just focus on the last two months.
He gave away Tatum for no reason, tried to give away AD for peanuts (twice), then took on the worst salary dump in league history from the most stacked
franchise ever, a deal Mavs himself publicly said should be vetoed for the good of the league.
He sat on John Wall's contract for nearly 2 years waiting for him to get healthy (a great move), then when he finally does and looks fantastic, just gives him away to the Raptors
for a bust who is dead money. He essentially took on salary to give away John Wall who looks amazing in pre-season.
GMs work for years making 20-30 moves with 12 different GMs, put time and effort into improving their franchise, only to watch Lakers throw away picks and players
to someone else, and it ends up making that team better in 5 seconds than what their 20-30 moves accomplished in a year.
Now I'll try to focus on some positives:
I really like the Zion trade, I think it was a great move. Patrick Williams was a strong draft pick. Trading for Malachi Flynn was good. Masai is a genius, and Kyle Lowry is
old. Flynn is the best PnR offensive player in the draft. If Lakers is patient and doesn't drop him (or his other rookies) 10 games into the season like he did after
selecting Luke Kennard in 2017, he could reap the rewards. There's no guarantees with rookies, but the ones he grabbed in the off-season have a lot of potential.
Aaron Nesmith is also a solid pickup for a small amount of cap space. He went #12 in another dynasty I'm in. He'll be a floor spacer early on, but in 2 years there's
a good chance he expands his role and creates off the dribble. He's got the body and the shot.
I love Zion. If Lakers wants to trade him to me, I'm in. I'm taking LAs side of that deal and gambling on his knees.
Patrick Williams has a ton of upside. RJ Barrett could be very good, he's definitely got the opportunity in NY.
End of positivity.
Terry Rozier was a horrendous FA signing, and he's more likely than not to get either benched or traded, and chasing those 30 FPPG from last season was a mistake. Garry Harris
is a terrible fantasy player and taking on that contract was bad.
Opting into 12m of dead money on terrible rookies for no reason is fantasy malpractice, when you can get them for 500k to 1m in FA.
I wish the Lakers nothing but health, happiness and success IRL, but in fantasy I wish we had someone who cared and put way more thought and effort into their trades.
#13 Sacramento Kings (Tanker)
Last Season: #13
Huge ego, wooden plank personality, every social interaction and trade discussion is like pulling teeth...
Are we sure this isn't just Old Raptors pretending to be a new GM?
I honestly can't tell them apart.
The new GM at least brings a level of intelligence and competence that the Dunning-Kruger Spurs sorely lacked in giving away his entire team to Philly for Harden in his
pursuit of finishing 13th. He's also extremely active, which makes him a welcome addition to the league.
We want good GMs. Personality is a bonus.
The incoming draftnik looks to have made the most of his picks in the 2020 Rookie Draft, as Theo Maledon looks great and Cole Anthony is in a very nice situation in Orlando.
If you compliment Theo Maledon he won't reply to say thanks like a normal human being because if he says "thanks!" then he is accepting your compliment and may be on
some level implying he values your opinion, and he doesn't need your validation.
Jaden McDaniels has some upside, and trading for Kevon Looney could pay dividends in a shortened season where Wiseman is looking more and more like he will be limited by
the Warriors in Year 1. Tre Jones seems like too deep of a reach, but we'll see.
No doubt James harden, Jusuf Nurkic, and Josh Richardson are on the block, and we'll see what kind of returns he gets for them, assuming anyone can get through the
impenetrable shield of condescending trade responses and "take it or leave it" threats to try to close deals and bully trade partners.
We'll see if he can get past those boorish, amateur tactics, or if he'll simply join the ranks of MANY current GMs whose egos are too fragile to make sharp trades and can't handle the thought
of losing a trade with someone.
Sidenote: that not a single tanking team even took a shot at Kristaps Porzingis in FA is fucking embarrassing. League of absolute cowards.
The only good thing I can say about my syphilis-riddled archnemesis Denver Nuggets is he actually has a spine (even if it's curved due to Scoliosis) and is willing risk losing trades and doing something. Meanwhile, half the league
refuses to make any trades of consequence ever, or exclusively vulture newbie GMs and prey on soft targets.
Either way, the Kings look be a strong GM who will turn this franchise around sooner rather than later, and I wouldn't be surprised to find the franchise being a stud farm 2 years on (whereas
Philly is on a stud farm right now. When he goes to eat at Long John Silver's, they simply refer to it as John Silver's until he he leaves.)
#14 Milwaukee Bucks (Tanker)
Last Season: #14
New Bucks knocked it out of the park with his Rookie Draft pickups a mere two weeks after joining the league, selecting LaMelo Ball, Kira Lewis Jr., and Isaac Okoro.
With his addition to the league, we've officially hit our Eurotrash Quota of 1 (after losing Choking Pels), from the continent that couldn't win a war 18 vs. 1 against
Germany and needed the United States, Canada, and Australia to win it for them, and then had the sheer audacity to impose the Metric System on us.
Greece did give us Giannis, at least :)
(and Homer, and Democracy, and Cartography, I guess)
Anyway, the young core of Zach Lavine, Lamelo, Kira Lewis, Okoro, Miles AND Mikal Bridges (there's a Monty Python and the Holy Grail joke in there somewhere), along with
Jarrett Culver, Lonnie Walker (Texas Ranger), A.A.ron Holiday, Mo Bamba, and NAW make this an enviable franchise to take over at this point.
On top of that, Paul George and Eric Bledsoe are available as trade chips, although their contract sizes will be difficult to move.
This is by far the best the Bucks franchise has looked in years, and I'm honestly shocked they weren't picked in the Guru Gazette roundtable when I asked which franchise
each GM would like to take over. I suppose the core of AD, Tatum, Wall and 40m in cap looked intriguing, although given the Lakers recent moves, I am guessing their
answers would change.
Great work from the Bucks early on, and looking forward to seeing what he does in the future!
Just kidding.
(but not really)
#15 Philadelphia 76ers (Tanker)
Last Season: #15
Nobody has done a better job tanking and rebuilding lately than Philly (other than perhaps Chicago), and he has adeptly taken the Portland™ model and perfected
it to a T. Nobody of note is over age 23 on this roster (Leo, is that you?)
If Philly gets any younger the FBI will be knocking on his door.
Now, how much of that success comes from being the biggest newbie GM vulture (besides Mavs, perhaps) is a matter for the Philosophers to debate, but let's just say
Philly never leaves the shallow end of the pool. I once accepted HIS trade proposal, and he got so scared he delayed the deal, called Nuggets, did another 24 hours of
research, visited the Oracle at Delphi, contacted Nuggets again, bit his fingernails, consulted his Astrology forecast, then backed out.
Of his OWN trade.
What they'll put on his tombstone:
I'm starting to think Kings, Celtics, Philly and others are all attending the same fantasy trade seminars.
If Philly isn't winning the trade in a landside and it's not a super obvious win, he's not trading with you.
And for the record, that goes for a lot of GMs in this league, so it's not exclusively aimed at him.
Regardless, Philly has done an excellent job with his franchise, and his core of Deandre Ayton, John Collins, Killian Hayes, Collin Sexton, Rui Hachimura, Obi Toppin, Kevin Porter,
Lou Dort, and the legendary Poku are the envy of the league.
Sniping Poku from Kings was glorious, and one of the highlights of the 2020 Rookie Draft. You can tell he was FUMING inside, even though he'll deny it.
An army of blue chip prospects and picks lie beneath the blue dragon, and he'll be a force to be reckoned with when he turns the corner and competes again. I am really impressed
by his choice of draft picks and his trade with the Spurs was a masterpiece.
I expect his team to keep improving (unless there aren't any new GMs coming in the next two years.)
;)
#16 Washington Wizards (Tanker)
Last Season: #16
Every time I go to take a cheap flier on a scrub:
Wizards is there to fuck my day up.
The Washington Basketball Team played Bête Noire this off-season, doing Nuggets bidding, erm, bidding up players left and right just to drive prices up,
as Denver cackled from his lair while stroking his Evan Fournier japanese body pillow he carries around with him at all times.
The Wizards bid well over 100m across almost every player in Free Agency, and only won 2 bids.
Truly the troll job of the century.
I absolutely love his draft pick in Devin Vassell, who I think is going to be great. Trading into Tyrese Maxey and some picks was also a coup.
Now that I think about it, half of Wizards team is just my players (Looney, Shamet, Maxey, Isaac, Wagner, etc.). I would NOT have traded Isaac for Hield if I knew
that Covid was ending the season, as it was a win-now move (ditto Donte Divencenzo to the Celtics).
I love Jonathan Isaac. Damn you, Wizards. Damn you to hell!
Combined with a shrewd pickup of Darius Bazley last off-season for cheap, along with RJ Hampton's high ceiling later in the rookie draft, and the Wizards
are really starting to look like a squad. This was by far the worst franchise in Guru when he took it over, so the progress is encouraging.
While the roster isn't at the same level as Philly or Chicago, both those teams began their rebuilds with way more assets, and I think Washington could get to where
they are one year from now if he keeps making strong moves like he did this off-season.
In terms of his FA pickups, Kuzma is a good flier -- if he gets traded, you're looking at a potential 30 FPPG guy for 1m a year.
Jerami Grant looks like this year's Delon Wright for 5.5m x 4 and I think is a terrible signing, but it's way too early to know for sure.
Overall, a great off-season for Washington bidding up everyone else's offers while acquiring next-to-nothing (unless you consider Jerami Grant something, which I don't),
and slaying the draft and trade market for promising blue chip rookies.
Great work!
Now if only you'd stop constantly negging my fucking players, you no-talent dipshit.
We really need to stop giving out this book as a free raffle prize, it's ruined a generation of fantasy players:
This concludes the Basketball Guru 2020-2021 Preview -- hope you all have a Happy Christmas, and a wonderful fantasy season!
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Except Nuggets.