Guru Gazette #5 (April 2021)

[Phoenix Suns]

Welcome to the 5th edition of the Guru Gazette, published weekly monthly bi-monthly quarterly semi-annually according to my Astrology horoscope, which instructs me to make confused, fantasy-driven actions, and something about self-driving cars.



I am the Phoenix Suns, Editor-in-Chief, and host of the roundtable discussion.

Today I'll be speaking with the Boston Celtics, Washington Wizards, Milwaukee Bucks, and Los Angeles Clippers.

Roundtable... assemble!



Oh, for fucks sakes, not again...

KINGS: COLE ANTHONY IS EMERGING AS A FUTURE SUPERSTAR ON THE MAGIC WITH HIS 1.09 PPP ON INTERIOR DRIVES ACCORDING TO CLEANINGTHEGLASS

GET OUT OF HERE KINGS... SHOO! SHOO!

KINGS: Tee hee hee...

Sorry about that. Let's get this started!

Besides the wolves, who has the best shot at winning the Guru Playoffs?

CELTICS: I would say Denver but he is having some unfortunate injury luck so far in Round 1, leading to a strong possibility for an upset. Because of this I'd say the winner of the matchup between Dallas and myself. But, since you’re asking for a single team, I'm gonna go with myself cause it’s me.



WIZARDS: takes bribe from under the table... The one and only, greatest team ever assembled, UNDISPUTED back to back champion, Phoenix Suns!… No, but on a more serious note, I believe that the Suns have the most complete, well-rounded roster of any non-Wolves team, even without SGA for the first few rounds. Unfortunately, he has to play Wolves in the first round (in a matchup that may be more competitive than the actual finals), but if he can overcome that massive hurdle, I think he should roll to the three-peat. This is definitely my own independent opinion, and there is no gun pointed at the back of my head while I write this. None at all.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

BUCKS: Wizards? Don’t disrespect our regular season winners Celtics. Hopefully Hayward [comes back before] the finals so this team can destroy [Suns'] predictions.

CELTICS: Blink twice if you're in trouble, Wiz.

Hey now, he arrived at his conclusion independently. Haters back off!

CLIPPERS: I was going to argue Celtics, but that no longer seems like the case with the Hayward injury. That being said, Celtics roster is stacked and Hayward could come back toward end of playoffs. Gotta reward consistency, so I am going to lock my vote in Celtics... still think Wolves pretty much has this.

A strong vote of confidence for the Celtics, despite trailing the Mavs by 100. Let's switch gears and move over to the real NBA.

What do you think of this Covid season?

BUCKS: Surprisingly good season this far, I feel like only few team's record were seriously affected by it (gg Toronto). Now there is the fear that a single case of covid can ruin a team which will pretty much destroy the season honestly. So we wait and see.

CELTICS: I do think this NBA season has been a success for the most part. The scheduling has been unfortunate for some teams having played so late into the year with the bubble. Teams that didn't go far in the bubble had plenty of rest. Teams like the Lakers, Celtics, and Heat have struggled this season after major success with similar cores. You also see those teams racking up quite a lot of injuries. I don't think it’s entirely coincidental. That being said, I think it was very important to get this season rolling with the condensed schedule so that next season can return to NBA normalcy.

CLIPPERS: So far the season has honestly been damn near perfect. They've been able to let some fans in, been able to avoid cancelling games, etc. Some COVID positives have obviously rained chaos down upon fantasy owners, but I gotta say it has been a success. Tests have not been spiking, and sans some James Harden and Lou Will antics, almost every player has been ostensibly following the majority of protocols. Hats off to Adam Silver.

Agree with the consensus, Wizards?

WIZARDS: Yes! I would say that the covid season has been as good as the NBA could’ve hoped for, really. Most of the major covid outbreaks occurred early on in the season, where teams had the opportunity to make up lost games later on in the year. The lack of fans definitely takes away from the atmosphere, but I don’t think the level of play has suffered as a result. Would’ve loved to see a summer league for the rookies to adapt to the NBA game before being thrust into the fire, but since that would have occurred around the height of the infection numbers, I’m not surprised that it didn’t happen.

For sure, I'm surprised so many rookies have had good seasons given the lack of prep or Summer League.

WIZARDS: Yeah, better than I would have thought.

So who do you guys think will end up being the Conference Finalists?

CELTICS: East - Nets and Bucks: The nets just have a metric fuckton of firepower on that team. 3 stars who can buy you a bucket when you need it. The Bucks because they're the most well rounded team not named the Sixers, and I think no matter what happens in the regular season the Sixers are perennial losers. Sag on Simmons, pack the paint, double Embiid. They do have better shooters this year, but I'll believe the Sixers going all the way when I see it.

West - This one is TOUGH but I'm going - Jazz - Clippers. You could honestly pull any two teams out of the top 7 in the West right now and I would believe you if you said they're going to the conference finals. Utah has just been stellar this year and have been killer at home. With the number 1 seed they can have that advantage through to the finals. Going Clippers because wings win championships in the NBA and the Sun's star duo are guards.

Wings do win championships, that's why Colonel Sanders has 5 Superbowl rings



WIZARDS: The Nets are what happens when you turn the salary cap off on NBA 2k myLeague rebuilds, so I’ll take them out of an incredibly weak East, over the Bucks in the conference finals.

Out West, give me the Clippers and the Nuggets. Hate betting against LeBron in the playoffs, but I’m not sure that Lakers team will have enough time to re-gel as a unit, especially with several new additions coming on board while James and Davis were out. The Nuggets are rolling, and the Clippers got even deeper. LAC should win, but it wouldn’t surprise me if their choking reputation hinders them again.

The LeBron blasphemy on display right now disgusts me.

WIZARDS: LeBlasphemy.

BUCKS: Don't worry, I got you Suns.

East is easy. Brooklyn should be a guarantee, and between MIL and PHI my Greek instincts have to go for Giannis.

In the West, the Nuggets at the moment is an incredibly fun team to watch so I am rooting for them. Depending on seeding hopefully they don’t meet the Lakers which is my second pick as a finalist. Boring but… Lebron

CLIPPERS: Eastern: Nets v. Bucks. The Nets are on obvious pick, they just have so many goddamn talented players. That offense is menacing, and when 2 of the big 3 play they are like 24-6 or something ridiculous. The Bucks mostly ‘cuz Giannis, and ‘cuz I do not trust Doc Rivers to keep any playoff lead safe lmao. Too many dark Clippers memories.

Western: Clippers v. Lakers. I think the Clippers finally get over the hump this year before falling to the Lakers in the Conference Finals. A healthy AD and Lebron combined with the depth of their squad just makes the Lakers too hard to beat. Clippers overcome some of their inconsistency with depth, but it is just not enough come WCF time.

Back to back LeBron picks... my faith in humanity is restored.

CLIPPERS: Happy to help!

Do you agree with The Ringer's Power Rankings?

1. Utah 2. Brooklyn 3. Milwaukee 4. Phoenix 5. Denver 6. Dallas 7. Miami 8. Philly 9. Portland 10. New York 11. LA Clippers 12. LA Lakers 13. Boston

WIZARDS: Any ranking with the Celtics above 20 is a sham. They’re awful. More props should be given to teams like the Hawks and Grizzlies, who are exceeding expectations rather than underachieving.

Oh boy, you've done it now Wiz...

WIZARDS: It's okay Suns, he's developed new coping mechanisms dealing with you all these years

CELTICS: SERENITY NOW!

BUCKS: Who agrees with someone else's rankings come on. Lakers are not the 12th team, Utah is not the first. I would value Denver over Phoenix too.

CLIPPERS: LMAO who made these power rankings?? Dallas is way too high, I don't care if they have been somewhat hot recently. Portland and New York above the Clippers is confusing, especially with that beatdown Paul George delivered to the Blazers and injury news out of NYC. Miami also seems unreasonably high up on the list for a team 1 game over .500 basketball, despite the early injuries--I mean heck, they have a losing record in their last 10 too.

What do you think, Celts?

CELTICS: That's gotta be a typo right? Knicks over both LA teams? They're okay besides that. I would swap Phoenix with Milwaukee and put Philly above Dallas and Miami. The top 15 teams in the NBA this year are closer than they've been in a while though

It would seem the Grantland glory days are long gone.

WIZARDS: Bring back Kirk Goldsberry!

I believe his charts were the inspiration behind Civilization V going hexagonal.



BUCKS: Greece best civ :)

Let's move back to Guru Dynasty.

Besides the Big 5 of Cade Cunningham, Evan Mobley, Jalen Green, Jalen Suggs, and Jonathan Kuminga, give me two players you're really high on in the 2021 Rookie Draft (and why Philly should try to take them way too early.)

CLIPPERS: Josh Christopher & Marcus Bagley. #ForksUp representing.

No hashtags, this isn't some Instragram Influencers marketing seminar, have some dignity.

CLIPPERS: Sorry.

KINGS: #Poku_Watch #TheoMastedon #JadenEmpire #ColegateAnthony DID YOU KNOW DEANTHONY MELTON IS DEANTHONY MELTING THE COMPETITION? IT'S TRUE! A TEAM-BEST +17 ON 14 POINTS AND 4 REBOUNDS IN ONLY 23 MINUTES THE OTHER NIGHT!  LIKE AND SUBSCRIBE FOR MORE NEWS AND INFO ON MY ROOKIES!

Get out of here, Kings! Shoo! Shoo!

KINGS: Tee hee hee...

CLIPPERS: But honestly, those two guys were key to the Sun Devils success (even if brief) this season. Without them on the floor, the team looked sluggish on O at times and really couldn't keep up with the top of the PAC12. They could have gone far with them both consistently in the rotation. As a current Sun Devil myself, I watched all the games -- and Josh Christopher looks like the real McCoy. Not sure how quickly either of these players translate at the NBA level, but Philly has 7 billion picks so why not take a couple fliers, eh?

Great inside info, I'm sure Philly the Vulture will make use of it

CELTICS: Gotta be honest, 2021 research is still a bit lacking at the moment. I did catch a couple Tennessee games this year where Jaden Springer looked good. He's got a pretty good stroke, but needs to work on taking care of the ball. One guy I really like is Usman Garuba. His defensive versatility should make him an instant NBA asset. He's got a 7'2" wingspan and is already playing professionally for Real Madrid. He runs the floor really well, so his wingspan could get him some easy buckets while he develops on the offensive side of the ball.

Jalen Green, Jalen Suggs, Jalen Johnson, Jaden Springer... why is everyone this draft named Jalen or Jaden?

CELTICS:



Aspirational naming. Gotcha.

BUCKS: I am not too knowledgeable on the matter but Keon Johnson and Scottie Barnes are probably up there from what I hear. Philly only having 5 picks will have to do some research unlike the 2023 draft.

WIZARDS: Nice try, you’re trying to get my draft sleepers list early so that you can use your two first round picks on potentially undervalued gems!

*gasps*

I would never...

WIZARDS: Luckily for you, my two biggest sleepers aren’t even on this list, but from the players given, I would say that Philly should take Alperen Sengun, because he’s a skilled young skinny European big man who can do fancy wraparound passes on fast breaks (sound familiar?), and Moses Moody has the same first name as Moses Brown. They should be 1 and 2 on Philly’s big board.

Besides Lamelo and Haliburton, which 2 rookies from the 2020 draft have impressed you the most?

BUCKS: Rookies were mostly meh this season, but most of them aren't getting the minutes to show anything to be fair. Only one would be Quickley but mostly because of the number he was picked as a huge value pick not so much because of his
performance.

WIZARDS: Both of the players taken with Kings’ back-to-back selections at the end of the first and beginning of the second rounds of last year’s draft. Jaden McDaniels has been a fantastic defender and has transitioned to the NBA better than I anticipated - I assumed that his high turnover numbers and pretty low college efficiency would lead him to have a longer development curve, but he’s been solid. Maledon is a totally different story - playing at the Euroleague level from a younger age prepared him for an immediate impact in the pros, so I’m not really surprised by him picking up a big role in OKC right away.

CELTICS: I thought Anthony Edwards was just gonna be another T-Wolves stat stuffer, but he's been starting to impress me as of late. I also like what I've seen from Patrick Williams. I think he's still pretty raw, but he reminds me a bit of PF Jaylen Brown, I think he'll improve year over year.

CLIPPERS: Isaiah Stewart & Anthony Edwards. Stewart is quietly leading rookies in Rebounds, and has quickly turned into a solid big man for me on Guru Fantasy and in the rotation for the Pistons. I get the Pistons are bad, but for a second round Guru pick to already be generating decent-level impact like this is pretty impressive. Having Plumlee to guide him through his first season has helped I think. Edwards is just an explosive dash of offense, and I really think his efficiency will continue to improve as he gets used to top-league minutes.

Conversely, which two rookies from the 2020 draft have disappointed the most?

CELTICS: It's gotta be Jalen Smith, drafted #10 to the Suns. He's struggled to find his footing and is already 21. Not a great sign in today’s NBA. The other I would say is Aaron Nesmith. I still think he has pretty great potential, but hasn't been able to separate himself on what has been an oft injured and meh bench for the C's.

WIZARDS: Obi Toppin has been predictably terrible. A 22 year old terrible defender coming in, Toppin also seems to have lost all sense for his jumper as well, and is a massive negative in New York. Jalen Smith also has been a travesty for Phoenix - I had him graded as a mid-to-late second, yet the galaxy brain Suns decided he was worth a top 10 pick. So far, he has played like…a mid-to-late second rounder.

Luckily there's 17 Jalen's in the draft ready to take his place.

BUCKS: I am very disappointed in Wiseman. He makes a mediocre team worse when he is on the court, displays 0 basketball IQ and has a limited move pool. He is still a physical beast though so I haven’t lost hope yet. Obi Toppin is trash no surprise there, he is somehow old but at the same time much worse than anybody else. And on the Knicks too that looove rookies, doesn’t get much worse than that

CLIPPERS: I am going to say Poku because given the league's love affair with them man I could be starting a virtual riot. My other pick is Tyler Bey, who I know is not on this list. But given my experience with him in PAC-12 play, I saw him getting more minutes on that Dallas squad. Instead, he keeps playing like 2 mins with no stats or hanging out in the G-League. As a later pick in the real NBA Draft he had a long road before becoming a commonplace player in the NBA, just expected more of growth during this season.

Looks like Obi Toppin is at the Obi Bottom. 

How would you grade this season of Guru? How would you grade your performance?

CLIPPERS: I am going to grade this season like a B-. The deadlines seemed rather unexciting which was a bummer, but as my first season in the league I have had a blast.

AND FOR ALL OF YOU WHO TOLD ME TO SELL AND TRY TO RE-BUILD: I probably finished as a higher seed than you this season. So, uhhh, take that. Westbrook ain't washed, Simmons on that small contract, Mike Conley out of goddamn nowhere. Clips has a chance out here, and OKC is never going to post on discord so cheer for me this first round. My prediction? I make it to the 2nd round and lose like the real Clippers.

CELTICS: I think its been a great season so far. We've had some new faces, ones that have been pretty active. We got some prospect nerds that have hyped a lot of rookies from this draft class, FA was competitive with quite a few good value signings and a bidding war between two Guru heavyweights. TC shutting down trades, teams rising and falling. Its been entertaining, and there's a handful of teams that could go all the way. A+ tbh

As for myself, I'd say a solid (B-). I've made one of the better single season win % jumps, but I didn't do anything particularly spectacular this season. I just tried to round out my bench with a few solid FA signings and acquiring Hield. Really liked what Brogdon has done and I have him through his prime at a decent price. Made a couple poor moves (letting go of Rob Will, Signing Baynes and Wizard Bum). Overall though, I'm here so that’s gotta count for something.

Conley and Brogdon were great signings.

BUCKS: Summer guru (which is ironic since we are talking about December) was fire. 

I believe James Bond had a similar thought with one Dr. Christmas Jones.



CLIPPERS: Did they name her Christmas just to make that one joke work? LMAO

Yes.

CELTICS: LOL

BUCKS: As I was saying, many moves, many signings an interesting draft since it was kinda flat and people picked according to their own likings. Mid season things slowed down a lot, not a lot of interesting free agents or trades, teams looked a bit confused about the direction they were going with their team with Covid (and injuries not helping.)rm, yes, well, anyway, am pretty happy with my draft honestly, the pressure of the #1 pick worked out for the best, I am high on Kira and I feel like Okoro was fine for his position. My trades were mediocre and both of them are still in the air about them with Bamba maybe starting to get minutes now and Kemba improving from 28 FPPG at the time of the trade to 33.5 since. Still mediocre trades by me, I feel like no big winners or losers. B- probably?

WIZARDS: I don’t think this season of Guru has been nearly as eventful as last year’s (at least the in-season portion). There really hasn’t been any LEAGUE SHATTERING MEGA TRADES since the summer (probably only because Lakers is taking his yearly sabbatical). That being said, the offseason was a lot of fun, as several stars were moved around (then sent back via trade committee, then traded again for much better value), and free agency consisted of several starting-caliber players and bargain-bin finds. For me personally, I’m happy with my season. I began the inevitable rebuild, shipping off the last of my stars for prospects, drafting future studs Devin Vassell and RJ Hampton, and finding some nice pieces in free agency. Grant, Keldon, Kuzma, Claxton, etc. are nice young building blocks to have, and fit the vision of my team. (I also got to drive up the prices on some free agents I had no interest in signing *cough* Chris Paul *cough* which was a whole lot of fun.)

Yeah, I had you in my Top 4 in terms of EOTY consideration for this season, I thought you did an excellent job starting the rebuild.

WIZARDS: *blushes*

Let's dive deeper into those moves. Give me your favorite Trade, Rookie Selection, Summer FA Pickup, and FA Pickup.

CELTICS: Favorite Trade: Zion and the proceeding drama
Favorite Rookie Selection: Immanuel Quickley
Favorite FA Pickup: Malik Beasley
Favorite In-Season Pickup: Time Lord

WIZARDS: For the rookie draft, the Haliburton pick by Bulls was an absolute steal and gives him yet another strong young piece to build around. In free agency, I’m totally going to toot my own horn here. Jerami Grant was originally supposed to be my Kelly Oubre backup plan, but as it turns out, I got a player who’s averaging 7 more FPPG than Kelly for pretty much half the price. I’ll take it!

BUCKS: Starting with the easy one. #10 Haliburton high upside high current production very fun to watch player. I really liked the PJ+Clarke for D'Lo which Suns got some nice rookie contracts for a Irving type of guy as far as brain power is concerned but without the actual skills in basketball to make up for it. Made sense though at the time so I totally get why both teams did it. Summer FA I feel like the trust Lakers gave Rozier really paid off in a great contract even though I don’t agree with the return he got after for him.

CLIPPERS: Fav Trade: Getting rid of Dewayne Dedmon because holy cow F*** the Knicks for the contract.
Rookie Selection: Tyrese Haliburton at 10 is an absolutely solid pick for my fellow astro academic in Chicago.
Summer FA Pickup: I was going to say Malik Beasley, but that guy is also an ass and who knows how much he will be playing going forward. The Jerami Grant pickup is absolutely solid in terms of value, so I think I'll lock that in as my pick.
FA Pickup: Kyle Anderson, which should be an awesome value pickup for Wolves for multiple years now. 2 mil is a cheap price for 35+ FPS a game.

Haliburton was definitely the steal of the draft. Not sure I trust Kyle Anderson's production long-term, though.

Give me the worst Trade, Rookie Selection, Summer FA Pickup, and FA Pickup.

WIZARDS: Dennis Smith Jr. for John Wall straight up. This trade should not have gone through and it was an absolute affront to humanity that it was allowed. Wall’s contract basically guaranteed him a huge role on whatever team he happened to be on (Washington at the time, Houston now), and Smith had by this point already been totally removed from the Knicks’ rotation and had voluntarily asked to be sent down to the G-League. It made absolutely no sense at all for Lakers to even think about accepting this deal, and it saddens me deeply since John Wall is one of my all-time favorite players.

Bad, but not blockable.

CLIPPERS: Worst Trade: Either my deal for K Love (LMAO) or that overpay for like 1 year of Lu Dort (even though I love my main man Dort). Although, I think the deal would look a little better if OKC had other players not named SGA or if Dort hadn't been hurt, plus that pick is barely a first. So my deal for K Love has to be the worst.
Worst Rookie Selection: Daniel Oturu. He is just not going to get significant opportunity anytime soon on that Clippers roster, and there were rookies with far more ability to impact the fantasy game on the board. I think Oturu will be a good NBA player long-term, but Raps ain't getting fantasy value from him anytime soon.
Worst Summer FA Pickup: LMAO Kelly Oubre sucks and I can't believe all the Suns fans I know wanted to keep him. Tsunami Papi gone all dry
Worst FA Pickup: Facundo Campazzo, enough said.

CELTICS: Worst Trade: Anthony Davis Trade
Worst Rookie Selection: Obi Toppin
Worst FA Pickup: Troy Brown Jr.
Worst In-Season Pickup: Facundo Campazzo

BUCKS: I already bashed on Toppin by why not again. I am betting Philly was smacking his head from the first month after picking him over Hali. Worst trade...probably would be the AD-Zion. 2 points per game difference between the 2 but also a massive contract difference, 8 years apart, a move up in the draft AND RJ Barrett. Banger by the Lakers but most lobsided trade by far. Worst FA pickup...Kristaps yeah, paying a guy 19.5m voluntarily to give you anxiety about his health on a daily basis is just not a good way of life. But life is a bitch and there is a chance that KP might carry DAL far in the playoffs this year.

Which of the newer GMs have you been most impressed by?

CELTICS: I've liked what I've seen from each of the new GM's. For me it’s a toss up between Wizards and Pelicans. I'll give the edge to the Wizards because I think he's made the most consistent net positive moves. He's got a good pulse on the NBA youth. Jerami Grant was a great signing. We'll see how his core develops over the next few seasons.

WIZARDS: Thanks, Celts!

CELTICS: ;)

WIZARDS: Only one of these GMs unearthed the gem that is Darius Bazley before anyone else even knew he existed, and that was the Toronto Raptors, who drafted him in the Guru Rookie Draft at the end of the second round. Fortunately for me, who recognized the Godzilla-sized potential this kid had later than her, she decided not to sign him, and the shrewd Wizards snuck in with a late bid at the end of free agency that spawned the best meme in the history of guru. Of these other people, Chicago drafted DeAndre something and Darius Whatshisface, so he’s pretty cool too. Just not Kings. He’s wack.



BUCKS: Honestly I feel like that’s a very even race but Washington made some great signings in the offseason with Jerami, Keldon and Diallo which puts him over the edge. Rest were more passive and middle of the pack teams but next season will actually be so important for all of those.

CLIPPERS: I probably can't choose myself, but look at that #4 finish even though I traded for K Love lol. Washington, SacTown, & Toronto are out, as I got to see the re-builds to believe it. So I would probably take the Pels who have made a push for a competitive playoff roster as this season has winded down. Although, I think almost all of these new owners have a chance to rise or fall pretty significantly in the next year or two.

Has your initial impression of any of the older GMs changed drastically? Perhaps you thought someone was overrated and it turns out they're quite sharp, or you disliked someone and over time turns out you like them? Or vice-versa?

CLIPPERS: I'm starting to question if even Philly knows what they're going to do with all those 2nd round picks LOL. But honestly, I think I have just become closer with everyone in the league (other than the few discord silents) by just having some time to dish basketball & trades. Really glad I found this league overall.

CELTICS: Honestly, I feel like no one has really changed much in my mind. I think all the OG's are solid GM's. I used to get annoyed by the Suns, but I've mellowed out in my old age and learned to appreciate his spreadsheet and meme expertise.

BUCKS: Not really I haven’t had too much interaction with some of those GMs but most look solid. *Drama alert* Mavs has me blocked, our first couple of convos when I first joined were pretty solid but then he got mad when I rejected some crazy offers he made ( like me taking Otto Porter's contract AND giving up a first round pick ). Tried to reach out at the trade deadline got a block as a response. I am guessing I am in his non-trade list ATM which is a bummer

WIZARDS: I love everyone in guru. Except Mavs. I hope both sides of his pillow are warm at night.

LOL, Mavs has me blocked too, hates half the GMs in the league, and refuses to trade with several others, I wouldn't worry too much about it. 

BUCKS: That makes me feel a little better...

Do you agree with the Trade Committee's second-ever Rejected Trade between POR-LAL? Should the TC protect franchises, or butt out?

CELTICS: Bit of a dodge, but I agree with whatever decision the TC makes based on the fact that I trust all 3 members to make the right decision together. All 3 members are experienced in this league and I respect their opinions even if I don't agree with every decision.

WIZARDS: Yes, this trade absolutely should’ve been rejected, as should the aforementioned Wall deal. I think that bad trades reach a point where they damage the overall health of the league as a whole, and that one would’ve set the Lakers franchise into a rebuild that honestly might’ve lasted 5+ years to dig out of. The Trade Committee did its job in this situation, as they should have.

BUCKS: I wasn’t really here for the drama unfortunately. But yeah that trade was horrible, no way was it passing. My favourite thing was that the second attempt was even worse for Lakers clearly. Must have missed some good times.

CLIPPERS: That trade was hot garbage. Seems like some LAL collusion. I definitely think since there is no money keeping people honest in this league motivation wise, having a trade committee is important. I mean hell even the real NBA vetoes trades occasionally, but no trade even close to that bad would have ever occurred in the real NBA. Actually though Lakers, like why? Was it a projection of AD getting like 1700 injuries over the next 5 years or something???

Hype your own team up! Who do you think is going to make the biggest leap on your own roster next season?

WIZARDS: Hell yeah, this is the question I’ve been waiting for. The Guru Wizards have already shown signs of what’s to come, with a young developing core of players across all positions that should see increased roles across the coming years. Picking one breakout candidate is a tough decision frankly, because I could honestly see at least 5 or 6 guys seeing their production dramatically increase next year. In particular, Keldon Johnson and Devin Vassell should hopefully both be full time starters in San Antonio next year, RJ Hampton will have a full season as a key piece on a rebuilding Magic squad, Nic Claxton has been a defensive menace and should continue stealing minutes from the fossil known as DeAndre Jordan, and Jonathan Isaac should return to plentiful minutes. As one of the youngest teams in the league, I’m happy with the assets that I’ve been able to accrue over these past few months, and I’m excited to watch them grow as the years go by. Lastly, I would like to remind the league that only one team has the future Lebron/Kobe/Magic/Kareem/Tom Brady/Tiger Woods/Leonardo Dicaprio/Terminator/Optimus Prime hybrid that is Darius Bazley. And don’t you forget it.



WIZARDS: Nyehehehehehehehehe...

BUCKS: Well I got LaMelo, I haven’t seen such a fun guy to watch in a while. And his playstyle is so fantasy friendly too, what a nice coincidence. MY team is pretty much 3 highly paid players (2 all stars) and all rookie contracts (holidays kinda looks like one shh) which is pretty interesting and gives me a ton of flexibility for the coming years. I got my 2 1st round picks this year to replace the guys lacking behind, I feel like this team got some future. I am pretty excited for NAW and expecting big things. If Lonzo leaves this guy deserves a starting spot recently in his starts he has looked so confident, and has been pretty efficient too. 1.5 defensive stats in 20 minutes from a scoring guard isn’t something you find every day either so I am looking forward to see how he develops.

CELTICS: I'm really excited that I'll be able to bring back a majority of my core from this year. 13/15 of my roster are under contract for next year. I'm also stoked for Herro and White to have another year under their belt. They've had shaky sophomore years each for their own reasons, but still performed well. Herro went through a rough patch, but only after he was injured. Coby has had an up and down year, and needs to improve his shooting but I could see both players taking a leap in their third season.

CLIPPERS: I was going to say Terance Mann, but now I had to drop him to clear space as PatBev returned. So, I am looking for Isaiah Stewart to make that next jump after getting significant playing time this season. This Clips roster is really built on proven pros, and not so much on young guys. Especially with minimum draft capital, the name of this team is going to be smart FA moves... but get hyped for our playoff odds this season. With Boston down a number of injuries, we got a legitimate shot at a Guru Championship run on our side of the bracket if we can handle OKC this first round--so drink the Kool-Aid and join our sailboat bandwagon.

KINGS: GREAT QUESTION SUNS, THANKS FOR ASKING!  THEO MALEDON'S CRUCIAL EUROLEAGUE EXPERIENCE SUPERCHARGED HIS THUNDEROUS ROCKETSHIP TO NBA SUPERSTARDOM.  IF YOU TAKE A LIST OF EVERY NBA PLAYER'S RPM OR RAPTOR METRICS AND FLIP I UPSIDE DOWN, MALEDON GOES FROM DEAD-LAST IN THE LEAGUE IN BOTH METRIC'S TO #1... A PREVIEW OF NEXT SEASON!  TRADE FOR HIM WHILE YOU CAN!

Goddamnit Kings, get out of here!  You're not part of this panel!

KINGS: Tee hee hee...



If I gave you one of these six contracts for free, which would you take, and why?

Tyrese Haliburton (29 FPPG) 2m 2m 3m 4m
Anthony Davis (45 FPPG) 21m 21m 21m 21m
Deandre Ayton (34 FPPG) 6m 8m
Jarrett Allen (33 FPPG) 8m 8m 8m 8m
James Harden (56 FPPG) 21m 21m
Khris Middleton (37 FPPG) 10m 10m 10m

CELTICS: AD. That contract takes him through the rest of his prime and you need a top end talent to win a chip.

WIZARDS: Give me Hali. Youngest player there, already performing at a high level, and should get even more playing time if/when Buddy is moved. Has the potential to surpass a few other guys on that list in terms of FPPG on a much cheaper contract.

BUCKS: If we are not trading those contracts Haliburton clearly fits my team better but otherwise AD's probably has the most value, someone would give me a young guy and couple of firsts for him I bet. (probably less than what Lakers got though )

CLIPPERS: Haliburton is the only one I could have afforded at any point during this regular season, but I think I would take Ayton. My team is already strapped for cash cuz of massive star contracts, so probably wouldn't go the Harden or AD route. There's a chance Ayton still hasn't reached full potential by next year, giving you the chance to re-sign him on a cheaper deal long-term. It looks like the Suns are building a solid organizational culture, and that you could build with him as a reliable enough big man in fantasy scoring who should have decent upside in the next 3-5 years.

Seems like a toss-up between Anthony Davis and Tyrese Haliburton.

How do you feel about the upcoming Guru Summer FA class? There is nobody producing over 25 FPPG that is under Age 27... do you think GMs are going to really regret not bidding more on young talent last summer?

2021 FA of Old Geezers:

Lebron James
Kevin Durant
Jrue Holiday
Jonas Valanciunas
Buddy Hield
Richaun Holmes
Jordan Clarkson
Serge Ibaka
Derrick White
(Maybe Dejounte or FVV, but they might get re-signed.)

2020 FA of Young Studs:

Malik Beasley (2m a year)
OG Anunoby (8m a year)
Myles Turner (7m a year)
Terry Rozier (4m a year)
Jerami Grant (5m a year)
Keldon Johnson (3m a year)
Talen Horton Tucker (1m a year)
Gary Trent Jr. (0.5m a year)
Kyle Kuzma (1m a year)
Jakob Poeltl (2m a year)
Kristaps Porzingis (19m a year)
Kelly Oubre (11m a year)
Troy Brown (1m a year)
Lu Dort (3m a year)
Josh Jackson (0.5m a year)

BUCKS: Yeah this upcoming FA is pretty bad, but at least that encourages trades which is interesting. It will be compelling to see what type of contract teams offer the old geezers (longer cheaper ones or 2 year 21m type of deals). I personally do have some regrets for the previous off season since there were definitely some steals but FA is all about risk/reward gotta go for it.

We all have regrets from last summer...



WIZARDS: Last year’s class was much deeper and more fun for teams like myself to pick and choose pieces for the future, but I still think there are some undervalued gems in this year’s class. Who are they? Guess you’ll have to wait and find out…

CELTICS: It does seem to be a weak FA class for longevity, but some contenders may be able to retool with some solid additions for a season or two. There's always some diamonds in the rough that appear as well.

CLIPPERS: Yeah... you can count me in the group who is a little sad they did not go harder in FA for young studs, kinda stuck in a mode myself now of just getting decent vets around my big 3/4 star guys. With the Simmons renewal coming up for me, would have been real nice to get a good young talent on a cheap contract. That being said, Lebron and Durant are going to be key pieces, and I really like Clarkson and Ibaka if they can be had on a cheaper contract. So, I guess I don't see the 'Old Geezer' FA being terrible, but definitely some missed opportunities for some Guru teams to get young pieces in the 2020 FA.

Should FVV and Dejounte get re-signed? Should Denver and Chicago trust your answer?

CELTICS: I would consider re-signing Murray because of his age, but I would say no to FVV due to age and size. No my answer should not be trusted.

Checking for age, that's one more step than Congressman Matt Gaetz took.



WIZARDS: I would re-sign FVV for Denver solely because I don’t really see anyone else on his team that’s worth a re-sign besides Tatum. Dejounte, on the other hand, is a tough decision because Bulls’ team is flush with young assets. Jaylen and Jokic are essentially locks for re-signs, and extending Dejounte would mean that no slot is open to give Hunter/Garland a new deal. Letting Dejounte go would be a risk, but a risk worth taking for Chicago in my opinion, since Hunter and Garland both look extremely promising right now. Should they listen to me? I’m in 15th place, what do I know?

Yeah I'd have to agree with Wizards over Celtics, I think if you look at both teams situations rather than both assets in a vacuum, the strength of each case is actually reversed.

BUCKS: FVV is too good to not resign honestly on a competing team. He is in his prime and with Toronto most likely being worse next season I don’t see why his production would drop (although there is always a chance of a trade). Dejounte... I don’t know you are practically picking between a Garland/Hunter/Turner resign it is a tough decision cause you don’t know how 2 of them will develop but I wouldn't want to have my hands tied and watch one of them becoming an all-star player without my having the ability to resign him. They should trust me I am a doctor (apparently that’s what previous Bucks was constantly saying so I figured I'd keep it up)

As is tradition.  Clips?

CLIPPERS: Well first off, nobody should trust anything I say. But that aside: I think you re-sign FVV? Hope he stops getting suspended LOL, but I think he is going to be a big piece in Toronto for a while. The money is a little steep, but I think there are other Guru Managers trying to get in on the Yeet for VanVleet sweeps. I feel less confident on re-signing Dejounte, but most of my analysis on this question is coming straight from my gut. I don't do fancy spreadsheets like Guru Suns.

No spreadsheets? I expected more from someone directly related to Clippy.  Lakers could have really benefitted from something like that:



Final question. Which franchise would you be most excited to take over between the Wizards, Kings, Raptors, Blazers, Lakers, Philly, and Thunder?

WIZARDS: Philly. Easily. His collection of assets is absolutely absurd thanks to some savvy trades, and now he is in possession of all the second rounders he desires, plus some intriguing young players like Ayton and Sexton. Also, he has Poku, come on now, give me the 7 foot point guard any day of the week.

BUCKS: Tough one. Heck no way I would ever take Philly that team is really valuable but it will take so much energy and tryharding to flip all those picks and make the best of them that I am just not up for the task. OKC will probably have next to no players next season which means taking over a blank canvas, fun but don’t have the creativity for it. Lakers despite the crap that team is getting, it is at least interesting. Many young guys with high potential my issue with it is that I don’t see how they would ever either tank or go for a chip but I think I would give it a go. Toronto is very solid but very boring that team doesn’t need much change anyway.

CLIPPERS: Philly. I want to try and wheel & deal with all those picks my god. It is a long road to re-build, but honestly that sounds like a lot of fun. The team has a clear direction, the capital to pursue said direction, and a smart manager (that would change if I takeover, but oh well).

CELTICS: Gonna have to go with Portland. Lakers had Zion but has a lot of contracts bogging him down. PHI would be interesting but I can't do that much draft research. I think POR has the best combo of being close to compete while possessing young talent in Ball, Young, Collins, and Robinson.

Thanks to Celtics, Wizards, Bucks, and Clippers for their comprehensive answers, and good luck to everyone in the playoffs! Don't forget, the NBA Lottery is June 22nd, and the NBA Rookie Draft is July 29th -- with Guru's draft beginning the same night, so make sure you come prepared!